TJ's blog post #2: Classmates, Drugs, Friendships and Conversation

We need Realism to deal with Reality" - Slick Rick

Keep your personal info secret. Not even if it seems you can share with me.
Aright, you can share with me, but sometimes it erratically get too much, and then the whole reasoning will keep repeating over my head till you explain yourself weeks later when I decide to finally ask you about it. And then the person I thought you were changes in my mind... to nearly the same person, but the new thought I've learned of you stays in the back of my head.
It happens to a lot of friends I've gained over the years. You think this persons cool and close till you find something new about them, and you want to keep asking why they thought it was okay, or what happened to them all the time. You wanna keep asking questions but you know its gonna get pestering and ruin the friendship you already had with this person.
Nope, just me then.
I'm very anal, or should I say, picky with a lot of things. I wont get over things too easily. I would wish I didn't learn something you told me, or if I found it out myself on social media, I would think about it for minute, days, hours until I get to talk to you in person about it. But once its in my mind, it cant escape, even when I see you sometimes no matter how much I try.
If I like you, I wanna know everything about you. If I have a crush on you, I wanna know everything and more. I would ask questions on girls I crushed on. "Do you do drugs? Do you believe in the lord and savior I believe in? Do you read comic books? Do you listen to Outkast?" Do you blah blah blah. Id be asking questions; its the biggest giveaway that I want more to do with you. I wanna make sure your right for me, and nothings gonna ruin this relationship later on.
Or I just like you as just a friend, and I wanna get involved in your life more.
So the fact is, after a while, (I'm just saying stuff) for example, if i'm talking to you, and if it randomly comes up that you said you smoke weed once, or you do it on the daily, it might surprise me, cause not only is it "still" illegal, but I thought you were a different person in my mind that would never smoke the devil's lettuce. But you apparently did it anyways. And that changes my opinion of you. Not a lot, cause although a small piece of me (1%) wants to distance myself away from you for no reason, I still like you as a person after all we've been through, and that's why the other 99% stays with you, which would guess would make me trustworthy, if you believe I am. But what da heck brah. I have never touched a drug related item. I have never inhaled through anything that wasn't oxygen. I'm just a "against drugs guy."And that goes towards anything I might be socially incorrect towards. I wont list anything down, but if your curious you can just ask.
Im not saying my friends, Im saying I just see alot of people get sucked in, some I dont know, into the mind of things that, us teens, shouldn't be even thinking about doing. Its not wrong I wanna be near people who have the same views I do. And I shouldn't be bothered by what anyone says because like I said, I wanted to know everything about you.
The fact that I learn more and more stuff from each friend each day that wasn't just put on the table till it was brought up is scary. I promise you I don't hide anything. And if I had stuff to say, I would say it. I'm mostly an open book. I have special friends I share stuff with, like who I like in school or my special grades, we all do. But I know what to keep under the table as well, if there is anything.  Theres other people who, oddly want to flaunt stuff that really shouldn't be shown to others on social media. And I dont mean there body. (Although my DM's are to the right ladies ;) ) But no one wants to see your "unsafe" lifestyle. And it'll get you in trouble, along with whacha doing with whats making me uncurtain about you in the first place.
So whoever reads this blog I know its not going to stop you from anything, cause why listen to me right? But i'm just saying in general, and as a topic. I'm not going to enjoy what everyone does, its just the type of person I am. I also don't have to approve of peoples lives. What they do to themselves is there thing, not mine, and I can take a step back. But if I do see it around and I really care about you, dont think I wont step in to make sure your safe. So if stuff like this does happen in the future, I'm trying to help me and you, and im sorryfor being picky. But hey, thats how I am, and Im not gonna change. And thats not a bad thing, ether.

TJ's blog post #1: Who are my real friends?

Its been a while sense I created my own blog post. Used to do it all the time in middle school for fun, so I don't know how many friends/people would actually read my stuff, that is, if they even care for me and my life. Every week I'm going to be talking about me daily, and things I feel need to be brought up about myself, because I'm guaranteed you barely know the real side of me, no matter how much you hang with me. So here's where you'll see me completely raw, not just jokes and giggles. Completely raw thoughts, right here in words. So I decided to start off the blog with something easy I can talk about, and I hope you can relate to it too.

Friends.. 
Real friends, how many of us?
How many of us, how many jealous? Real friends
It's not many of us, we smile at each other
But how many honest? Trust issues
Switched up the number, I can't be bothered
I cannot blame you for havin' an angle
I ain't got no issues, I'm just doin' my thing
Hope you're doin' your thing too - Kanye West

I like people, I really do. But I wouldn't call everyone in school my friend. Not everyone deserves to be my pal, sounds petty, but its the truth. Some people don't acknowledge me in the hallway. But most people do give me a dap, or at least a "Hey Terrence! How ya doing!!" And it really does make me feel good inside, cause I feel like I have put impact on someone's live, no matter what it is. Its more like showing off appreciation. And I appreciate anyone who wants to say hi to me.

I sometimes think of the few "real" friends I feel I have and think about the reality, "Will I still be hanging out with these so called "friends" in 10 years? Or even 5 years." Its a question that will continue to bug me until the time actually comes in the future. No matter what you think, I don't have a problem with anyone in school. I try not to have "beef" with anyone, unless they wanna start some. And if they did wanna start some, I would just ignore it, they'll get over it, cause I dont need that negative energy in my mind. As you know, I don't like getting mad. Like really, when have you seen me actually pissed at someone or something. I breathe in and out. Sure, its not the best thing, I dont even use hard cussing in my vocabulary. Apparently cursing lets out pain and bad energy you might have. But, whatever I do, it works for me, for at least the time. Maybe its why I might have anxiety. Might. 

But back to friends. I cant trust anyone. Cause people I feel like i'm close to trusting, they end up, guess what, letting me down! It always happens! And I know a lot of you guys and girls feel this way too. Whether its a backstab or a broken promise, you, well I, don't allow myself to put myself in front of others sometimes. Why? Cause would they do the same for me? Ask yourself that. Look at all your friends, and think about each one for 5 minutes, and say to yourself "Would they do the same for me?"

I don't believe in best friends, cause what if a best friend can change as well. I didn't believe in having a best friend until 10th grade, I only have like, 3 actual best friends, and I even have the fear that they might let you down. But... I guess.. I can forgive them. Cause everyone has there falling outs, Cause they're my friend and what not, etc...

Its sorta like love. You fall in love with someone who has the same interest as you, cute personality, and you... you just really like the person, and want to be with them all the time. Even if there not interested in what you have to offer, you really want to find a way for at least a long lasting friendship to last.

But your also not sure to trust this person, and they end up making some bull that lets you down. Then its over. There done with you, but your not completely done with them, and theirs no way you can spread out your feelings again. For multiple reasons. No matter what they are

With friends its eaiser, cause if they were assholes to you, then you can dump them on sight. You'll find someone else to hang with, be cool with, and netflex n chill with. Not sure if it makes sense, but it keeps getting harder and harder to know who's your actual friends in the school. But it doesn't bother me, I just keep hanging with everyone, as you should too. Just dont let people bother you, just like love, it will upset you for a while, but it will eventually go away. If you can skip all the stages of being sad for yourself after they stopped talking to you or you have a big falling out with a really good friend, then it will  help you more in the long run. Not everythings going to work out, and you gotta really think of who you could actually trust, and who you hate.

Everyone who thinks there friends with me, im friends with you. We're cool. If your not sure, DM me somewhere.

I have bigger topics on my mind, but this was just an easy starting out. Blogs daily, stay tuned if you liked. Any topics you want to test me with or bring up, you know how to get to me! Ima go watch some Big Time Rush now. :)

Terrence J.