TJ's blog post #1: Who are my real friends?

Its been a while sense I created my own blog post. Used to do it all the time in middle school for fun, so I don't know how many friends/people would actually read my stuff, that is, if they even care for me and my life. Every week I'm going to be talking about me daily, and things I feel need to be brought up about myself, because I'm guaranteed you barely know the real side of me, no matter how much you hang with me. So here's where you'll see me completely raw, not just jokes and giggles. Completely raw thoughts, right here in words. So I decided to start off the blog with something easy I can talk about, and I hope you can relate to it too.

Friends.. 
Real friends, how many of us?
How many of us, how many jealous? Real friends
It's not many of us, we smile at each other
But how many honest? Trust issues
Switched up the number, I can't be bothered
I cannot blame you for havin' an angle
I ain't got no issues, I'm just doin' my thing
Hope you're doin' your thing too - Kanye West

I like people, I really do. But I wouldn't call everyone in school my friend. Not everyone deserves to be my pal, sounds petty, but its the truth. Some people don't acknowledge me in the hallway. But most people do give me a dap, or at least a "Hey Terrence! How ya doing!!" And it really does make me feel good inside, cause I feel like I have put impact on someone's live, no matter what it is. Its more like showing off appreciation. And I appreciate anyone who wants to say hi to me.

I sometimes think of the few "real" friends I feel I have and think about the reality, "Will I still be hanging out with these so called "friends" in 10 years? Or even 5 years." Its a question that will continue to bug me until the time actually comes in the future. No matter what you think, I don't have a problem with anyone in school. I try not to have "beef" with anyone, unless they wanna start some. And if they did wanna start some, I would just ignore it, they'll get over it, cause I dont need that negative energy in my mind. As you know, I don't like getting mad. Like really, when have you seen me actually pissed at someone or something. I breathe in and out. Sure, its not the best thing, I dont even use hard cussing in my vocabulary. Apparently cursing lets out pain and bad energy you might have. But, whatever I do, it works for me, for at least the time. Maybe its why I might have anxiety. Might. 

But back to friends. I cant trust anyone. Cause people I feel like i'm close to trusting, they end up, guess what, letting me down! It always happens! And I know a lot of you guys and girls feel this way too. Whether its a backstab or a broken promise, you, well I, don't allow myself to put myself in front of others sometimes. Why? Cause would they do the same for me? Ask yourself that. Look at all your friends, and think about each one for 5 minutes, and say to yourself "Would they do the same for me?"

I don't believe in best friends, cause what if a best friend can change as well. I didn't believe in having a best friend until 10th grade, I only have like, 3 actual best friends, and I even have the fear that they might let you down. But... I guess.. I can forgive them. Cause everyone has there falling outs, Cause they're my friend and what not, etc...

Its sorta like love. You fall in love with someone who has the same interest as you, cute personality, and you... you just really like the person, and want to be with them all the time. Even if there not interested in what you have to offer, you really want to find a way for at least a long lasting friendship to last.

But your also not sure to trust this person, and they end up making some bull that lets you down. Then its over. There done with you, but your not completely done with them, and theirs no way you can spread out your feelings again. For multiple reasons. No matter what they are

With friends its eaiser, cause if they were assholes to you, then you can dump them on sight. You'll find someone else to hang with, be cool with, and netflex n chill with. Not sure if it makes sense, but it keeps getting harder and harder to know who's your actual friends in the school. But it doesn't bother me, I just keep hanging with everyone, as you should too. Just dont let people bother you, just like love, it will upset you for a while, but it will eventually go away. If you can skip all the stages of being sad for yourself after they stopped talking to you or you have a big falling out with a really good friend, then it will  help you more in the long run. Not everythings going to work out, and you gotta really think of who you could actually trust, and who you hate.

Everyone who thinks there friends with me, im friends with you. We're cool. If your not sure, DM me somewhere.

I have bigger topics on my mind, but this was just an easy starting out. Blogs daily, stay tuned if you liked. Any topics you want to test me with or bring up, you know how to get to me! Ima go watch some Big Time Rush now. :)

Terrence J.